Monday, July 21, 2014

Life's Brief Candle

Once upon a time, I had no choice but to study Shakespeare's poem, Life's Brief Candle in Macbeth. It didn't bother me what the interpretation of the poem then simply because it didn't matter. All I had to study was trying to remember the poem and then, interpret it according to the answers given by my teacher. I knew it was some negative interpretation because Shakespeare was an emotional guy. I think. 

Now that I am all grown up.. Vertically or horizontally.. Mostly horizontally and.. I find this poem a little sad for me. A little sad is an understatement.. It's just really sad. It is like Shakespeare knew the pain that I am going through and he had to continue stabbing the injured wound of mine. 

July is coming to an end in another ten days. Truth to be told, I haven't had a great seven months so far. I tried really hard to be more optimistic and try to distract myself from staying negative. It wasn't easy. There is just too much to digest at one time. I have only that much storage for challenges in life. I think my storage for challenges in hitting 100% soon. And I'm often making decisions that I am uncertain of. I thought I was certain about it and then weeks after that, it slipped through my mind and maybe it was because something hit me again. I had to rearrange my thoughts. Again. 

Many said I overthink stuffs. Honestly, I'm actually torturing myself mentally to make me feel better about my life. I thought I'm doing it right but deep down inside, I knew it is all so wrong. There is two of them inside me, trying to influence my judgment as a person. I have no clue whom I should listen to. I knew I had to listen to the person whom asked me to do the right thing. But the rebel me had to fight. Sometimes.

I need to straighten up my life fast. I need more positive distractions. I really do. 

Life's brief candle huh? More like life's a female dog. 

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

27th.. soon.

I am turning 27 soon. I am hitting the big 3-0 in three years and I am uncertain about it. Honestly, age is just a number to me. But this number comes together with lots of physical pain and emotional rollercoasters. The wiser I get, the more responsibilities and decisions I need to make on a daily basis and it is not fancy at all.

I haven't had fancy parties as I was growing up. There were birthday parties at home. As for my 21st, it was not exactly what I wanted but I am way past that age. I do not ponder on the past. Hopefully, this year.. I would have a memorable birthday celebration. I just want something that screams ME and of course, a memory that will plaster smiles and laughters on my face when I think about it.

I haven't smile for some time. I really need a drastic change. I need to chase for that happiness I used to own. As usual, I will make a wishlist for my birthday. Usually, I don't get it all fulfilled. But hey.. one shall dream and aim high. Right? Dare to dream, I shall.

Also, a wishlist is good because people won't get me stuffs I do not want. True that huh?

#1 Charm bracelet
I don't really wear much jewelleries but I do love charm bracelets. I usually wear charm bracelet or a simple bracelet to weddings or when I am feeling a little fancy. I always wanted to get a Thomas Sabo one.. well.. Thomas Sabo inspired because Thomas Sabo ones are too expensive.

#2 Pretty flowers
I have never receive flowers in my entire life before. I know right.. sounded so sad. But it's true. As for me, I love flowers. Well.. maybe certain flowers. I prefer sunflowers because well, it screams smileys all the way. I think calla lilies are beautiful. As for gerbera, I just love the colors. But of course, I would not mind receiving any flowers so long it's not weed.

#3 Le Sucre rabbits
I was born in the year of rabbit. So, I am kinda fond of rabbits. Well, not the real ones because their poops stink. I stumbled into Le Sucre rabbits when I visited a friend's studio and I immediately fell in love with it. And I always pass by this shop in Avenue K to take a glimpse at the rabbits simply because I adore it. I am actually not a soft toy person but this is exceptional.

#4 Van Gough inspired Starry Starry Night painting
A lot of people do not know about this but I have love Van Gough's Starry Starry Night eversince I saw it online years ago. Well, I can't afford the original one but I know there's a lot of duplication out there. If  ever own a place, I will make sure to get this painting. In fact, I love Van Gough's paintings. It is all so simple and inspiring.

#5 Longchamp handbag
I owned one actually. It was a gift from my ex-colleagues and I love it. I love that it is so versatile and it is waterproof. But I wanted to get another one because well, I just wanted one.

#6 Starbucks tumbler
I owned two Starbucks tumblers. But I have always fancy the clear plastic tumbler. Wanted to get one then but of course, there were some people in my life then who disagreed with my impulsive decision. It is not so impulsive right.. because I still think about getting one until today.

#7 Balloons
I am fascinated by helium balloons. I personally like colorful stuffs and balloons are often associated with happiness. So, give me some balloons already !

#8 Coffee machine
I develop some fondness towards coffee recently. And I think it's too expensive to buy a cup on a daily basis. I am rather conscious about my spending recently. So, I told myself that I must get one machine. Soon.

#9 Watch
I like wearing watch to work. And well, everywhere I go. I felt smarter somehow. But I am always wearing the same watch. Perhaps, I needed a change.

#10 iPad mini
I have been contemplating to get one since like forever. But I didn't get one. It wasn't friendly to my pocket so I just try to ignore this want because it is so bloody expensive.

#11 Kindle
I love reading. I cannot describe how much I love reading. People who knew me knows I love reading. I can just sit down in one corner the whole day and read. Kindle seems like a fit for someone who likes to read, right?

#12 Weekend getaway
I am always stressed out. So a weekend getaway will be fitting for someone like me. I was thinking of Bangkok. I love food. I love shopping. But of course, I wouldn't mind somewhere nearby too. I just need to get away from the city..well.. KL city.

#13 Manicure and pedicure
I have not tried mani and pedi before. This birthday, I wanna try something new. And getting pretty nails seems like a brilliant idea.

#14 Books
Need I say more? Sidney Sheldon's books please?

#15 Polka dots tea set/Clear glass tea set
The auntie in me has taken a liking towards teapot and tea cups. I saw one turquoise polka dot tea set in Typo weeks ago and I fell in love with it. I wanted to get it but nahhh.. I can't. I like a clear glass tea set too because it sounded really fancy when I sip tea from it.

#16 Dining in Muugu Restaurant
Read about this restaurant in EatDrinkKL and I fell in love with it. I love the food and the ambience.. well.. based on the blog. I would love to try.

#17 Dining in Mitasu
I love Japanese food. It's ala carte Japanese buffet. I don't think I need to elaborate more.

#18 Spa experience
I have never been to spa. Apparently I am too tensed up and there is aplenty of knots under my skin. So, people have been suggesting to me to go for massage. Guess I should try now?

#19 Day trip to Aquaria or Bukit Tinggi
I love the underwater. And I love the cold air. 'Nuff said?

#20 Birthday cake
I haven't had a birthday cake for years, I think. A girlfriend promised to bake me a strawberry cheesecake. I guess this wishlist is coming true.

#21 Latte art/coffee tasting classes
Because I love coffee. And I think it's hipster for me to do so. Why not?

#22 Shopping trip
Bring me to my favorite retail to shop and I will love you forever. I need new clothes for work. So yea.. please bring me.

#23 Beanie bag
I want to laze around the whole day on something comfy. A beanie bag seems like a good idea.

#24 Semi pro camera
I used to enjoy taking photographs a lot. But it was only point and shoot camera. I liked the Lumix G10 then. I felt like taking photos with phone seems meh. And there isn't much space on my phone as compared to the SD card intact to a camera. So go figure.

#25 Powerbank
Because I own none. And this is essential.

#26 John Legend concert
John Legend is coming down to KL on Sept 23. I love him. I never been to concert. So, I wanna go !!

#27 Birthday hugs
Shower me with lots of hugs because it's my birthday.

That's my wishlist. 27 gifts for a 27 years old.

Thursday, July 3, 2014


I felt like I've never cry enough. I went on a crying rampage last night. Winded up with a cracking headache and swollen eyes; not the prettiest sight and it wasn't pleasant. At all. 

I'm going through a lot recently. I'm trying to live a better life. I'm trying to cope with the difficulties I have. I'm just trying really hard to be myself. 

Once upon a time, I was a happy go lucky girl. I laughed at any stupid jokes. I just like laughing. I was not stingy with my smiles. I smile at things that make me happy. Even at the worst situation, I'll put on a smile. Today, it takes a lot of effort to carve a smile on my face. Smiling seems unnatural. 

I missed that girl. 

There's two persons inside me; debating how one should live my life. I'm trying to knock on some senses to myself by solving each and every challenge I have now. The other person deterred it by banning all sorts of solutions by putting me low on motivation. The current situation and environment of mine demotivates every single positive things that crossed my mind. I'm slowly sinking into negativity. 

Where did the positive girl go?

I knew what is wrong with me. I just haven't had the courage to face the challenges. Perhaps, I was too comfortable in this box of my passive world. I need to leap out fast. 

I need to find a winner in the two battles inside my head. I'm rooting for the positive one. I want to banish the negative one. I listened to a message yesterday about how He will shower us with blessings without conditions. He will give surpassing favors because He chose us therefore we qualifies despite our disqualifications. I believe. I do. 

Monday, June 23, 2014

When ignorance is not bliss..

For the past few months, I struggled with life. I struggled to forgive some people who no longer existed in my life. Forgiveness seems like the toughest thing to do. Perhaps, I did forgive but I'll never forget the hell I was put through. Maybe it was my fault then for not being independent or mature enough to make decisions for myself.

I always thought I had it all. I always thought my next chapter of life would be a beginning of a better future. Well, I thought. I often dislike how people assume what I do and say. I contradict myself when I assume that life will go accordingly to my wants. 

Yesterday was a revelation for me. I was accused of things I did not do. I was called names. I was doubted by someone whom I thought loved me. Perhaps, I was blind enough then to love someone of no ambition. He finally admitted to cheating when he texted me to defend that bitch. If I cheated, I would have not have such guts to shamelessly accusing a person without any solid evidence. It's true what some people said.. Love is blind. He is blind. For that bitch, she probably thought she could outsmart me. Well, it is obvious she sees me as a threat. 

I could just published all the mean things that bitch wrote to me. She apparently denied it. Well, she is definitely hallucinating. I would suggest she sought for professional help for making up stories of me thrashing her. That has to be the biggest joke of the century. She is a nobody. Why would I waste my precious time on a nobody? I ignored. That bitch refused to budge. She refused to lose. I've won by miles away when I chose to be mature about it and ignored. She can have him for all I care. In fact, she has my blessings to have someone who's coward and well, pathetic. 

I have all the proofs. I have proofs whereby the bitch harassed me through Facebook messages, phone calls and text messages. If she pulls another pathetic move to annoy me again, I would publish all the messages she sent to me including the ones I sent to her too. I'm not ashamed to admit. I did send her a message to give her a piece of my mind. No thief gets away for stealing.

As for him, you can fuck off for all I care. Don't you dare tell me what to do?! You are obviously fucking biased. You know what.. Both of you are matchmade in heaven - delusional about me trying to win you back. And such a disappointment. I don't and will never want a man like you. 

I'm done. 

Sunday, June 22, 2014


To me, jewellery often meant expensive accessories. But of course, jewellery could also be something budget and affordable as long as it screams OUTSTANDING.

For myself, I usually don a simple crystal or diamond bracelet with a LBD because simplicity is always the best but I still sparkle. Sometimes, I will add in a simple gold necklace to my simple LBD  because gold makes me shine and I do look elegant in gold. 

For casual look, I usually wear a charm bracelet. Charm bracelets are personalized therefore it is the best jewellery to wear because it literally screams you and your personality. If I am in a joyful mood, I will wear my colorful bead bracelets because colors are happy like that. 

But of course, one should not go overboard with jewellery. Nobody wants to look like a walking fashion disaster. I once saw a woman in a pink outfit with pink hoop earrings and pink bracelets. It was shockingly pink indeed. Her whole outfit and jewellery combination was not pleasant to eyes. Pink is cute but too much pink is just meh. 

My favorite celebrity who always look good in their fashionable couture dress and accessories would be Sarah Jessica Parker. She always look amazing in the show "Sex and the City." I love how she can pair gold and silver jewelleries in her LBD. Despite the clashes of gold and silver, she looks amazing. And on red carpet, she is always a shining star for having a great taste and choices of jewelleries to pair up with her dress of the day. 

If you dream to look great like Sarah Jessica Parker, you should visit Zalora; an online shopping platform which provides great yet affordable jewellery for all styles. What are you waiting for? Start clicking and shopping in Zalora today. I know I am.