Friday, August 8, 2014

The Dating Game

Maybe the title gives it a wrong idea. I personally don't find dating as a game but a two ways communication to bond and get to know each other better. Honestly, I haven't had a date for the longest time.. Well, six years to be exact. I have no single clue how a date should go. In fact, what the hell is a date ? What are the rules of dating? I was with the same man for too long to bother to well.. Date.

I went on a "date" yesterday. We both shared a meal and talked. We went to some retails shops because I have this tendency to window shop after a long day at work. The date was actually very spontaneous and random. We both finished work and then, it was a date. 

I have no expectation of the date. I did have fun. We both had fun. We talked. We laughed. It was all pure fun. But will it develop to something serious? I don't think so. 

Don't get me wrong.. I'm over and I've moved on from my dramatic and horrifying previous relationship. I couldn't deal with another stress in life. I've enough stress for now. I guess I wouldn't want to have something serious now simply because I'm afraid and I'm scared. Wounds heal. But broken heart.. It will leave a scar. A fear. A fear that I need to conquer and it will take longer than months. 

Or maybe.. I just haven't date that someone I think I'll commit with. Dating is confusing. 

I'm confused now. But I wouldn't mind expanding my networks. So yeah.. Why not? 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Wait... What.. It's August Already?!

August is finally here. We have a few more months till we bid farewell to 2014. Time does pass by fast. Really fast. And I thought it ticked too slow when I'm at work. 

I'm turning 27 in 17 days. Honestly, I do not know if I should feel happy or sad about it. I mean.. I am three years away from hitting the big 3-0!  I felt like I've not achieved enough in life. Many said I do.. I simply couldn't see much achievements done. Perhaps achievements are subjective too?

I have a lot to say but typing on my small screen is such a turn off when I have tonnes of stuffs occupied in my mind. All work and no play makes me a really dull person. Like meh. I'm actually feeling meh at the moment. I don't care if meh doesn't mean anything to anyone. I like using this word so please go away far far and stop questioning my choices of words. 

And now, rant is over. I have to finish that pending pile of workload on my table at work. A bored life is a tough life sometimes. 

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Love Me Tinder?

July has finally come to an end.

Tomorrow marks another brand new month. A brand new month; in fact, my favorite month for an obvious reason. 

The past seven months have been a crazy rollercoaster for me; both physical and emotional. The positive me is often looking on the bright side simply because she adores colors. I'm easily amused and distracted by colors. I think the negativety is slowly dwindling down. 

A friend recently introduced this app to me called Tinder. He thinks I need a lot of friends.. New friends because I'm apparently anti-social. So, I downloaded the app and used it. Honestly, I was skeptical about it because I had some bad experiences with another app. Also, my first "match" on Tinder was ermm.. unfriendly.

A guy "matched" my profile and our conversation went like this..

Weird guy: Sex?
Me: No.
Weird guy: Duck you.

I think he wanted to say fuck you but it auto corrected to duck you. It was bloody hilarious !! Anyways, the rest of the matches were alright. In fact, I chatted with someone really inspiring. He told me that he built houses for the orang asli and continued with this story where I teared at workplace. 

Truth to be told, I'm rather ignorant. I know my stuffs and some stuffs on the news and God knows whatever odd knowledges I have about every single things that I find interesting. Unfortunately, it never cross my mind to do volunteer works. I used to do it when I was in school or when I tried to help out at the centre where my baby sister goes. But that's all. I donated money to some charities. And that's really it.

When this guy.. The nice guy.. Not the duck one.. Told me about the things he did. I was taken aback of how ignorant I am. I complained about how some people in our society are often mistreated and judged but never have I thought to help them. I think I just typed a sentence that explained how shallow I am.. But perhaps I am shallow. Shallow about how I could help instead of just sitting down behind the computer monitor and rant about it.

Perhaps, I should try.. I shouldn't use "should." I must try. I'm sure I can contribute somewhere. After all, baby steps. 

To kick start a brand new month tomorrow.. I have good news. I passed my exam !! After two failed attempts. I'm sure August is going to be interesting.

Love me Tinder perhaps? :) 

Monday, July 21, 2014

Life's Brief Candle

Once upon a time, I had no choice but to study Shakespeare's poem, Life's Brief Candle in Macbeth. It didn't bother me what the interpretation of the poem then simply because it didn't matter. All I had to study was trying to remember the poem and then, interpret it according to the answers given by my teacher. I knew it was some negative interpretation because Shakespeare was an emotional guy. I think. 

Now that I am all grown up.. Vertically or horizontally.. Mostly horizontally and.. I find this poem a little sad for me. A little sad is an understatement.. It's just really sad. It is like Shakespeare knew the pain that I am going through and he had to continue stabbing the injured wound of mine. 

July is coming to an end in another ten days. Truth to be told, I haven't had a great seven months so far. I tried really hard to be more optimistic and try to distract myself from staying negative. It wasn't easy. There is just too much to digest at one time. I have only that much storage for challenges in life. I think my storage for challenges in hitting 100% soon. And I'm often making decisions that I am uncertain of. I thought I was certain about it and then weeks after that, it slipped through my mind and maybe it was because something hit me again. I had to rearrange my thoughts. Again. 

Many said I overthink stuffs. Honestly, I'm actually torturing myself mentally to make me feel better about my life. I thought I'm doing it right but deep down inside, I knew it is all so wrong. There is two of them inside me, trying to influence my judgment as a person. I have no clue whom I should listen to. I knew I had to listen to the person whom asked me to do the right thing. But the rebel me had to fight. Sometimes.

I need to straighten up my life fast. I need more positive distractions. I really do. 

Life's brief candle huh? More like life's a female dog. 

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

27th.. soon.

I am turning 27 soon. I am hitting the big 3-0 in three years and I am uncertain about it. Honestly, age is just a number to me. But this number comes together with lots of physical pain and emotional rollercoasters. The wiser I get, the more responsibilities and decisions I need to make on a daily basis and it is not fancy at all.

I haven't had fancy parties as I was growing up. There were birthday parties at home. As for my 21st, it was not exactly what I wanted but I am way past that age. I do not ponder on the past. Hopefully, this year.. I would have a memorable birthday celebration. I just want something that screams ME and of course, a memory that will plaster smiles and laughters on my face when I think about it.

I haven't smile for some time. I really need a drastic change. I need to chase for that happiness I used to own. As usual, I will make a wishlist for my birthday. Usually, I don't get it all fulfilled. But hey.. one shall dream and aim high. Right? Dare to dream, I shall.

Also, a wishlist is good because people won't get me stuffs I do not want. True that huh?

#1 Charm bracelet
I don't really wear much jewelleries but I do love charm bracelets. I usually wear charm bracelet or a simple bracelet to weddings or when I am feeling a little fancy. I always wanted to get a Thomas Sabo one.. well.. Thomas Sabo inspired because Thomas Sabo ones are too expensive.

#2 Pretty flowers
I have never receive flowers in my entire life before. I know right.. sounded so sad. But it's true. As for me, I love flowers. Well.. maybe certain flowers. I prefer sunflowers because well, it screams smileys all the way. I think calla lilies are beautiful. As for gerbera, I just love the colors. But of course, I would not mind receiving any flowers so long it's not weed.

#3 Le Sucre rabbits
I was born in the year of rabbit. So, I am kinda fond of rabbits. Well, not the real ones because their poops stink. I stumbled into Le Sucre rabbits when I visited a friend's studio and I immediately fell in love with it. And I always pass by this shop in Avenue K to take a glimpse at the rabbits simply because I adore it. I am actually not a soft toy person but this is exceptional.

#4 Van Gough inspired Starry Starry Night painting
A lot of people do not know about this but I have love Van Gough's Starry Starry Night eversince I saw it online years ago. Well, I can't afford the original one but I know there's a lot of duplication out there. If  ever own a place, I will make sure to get this painting. In fact, I love Van Gough's paintings. It is all so simple and inspiring.

#5 Longchamp handbag
I owned one actually. It was a gift from my ex-colleagues and I love it. I love that it is so versatile and it is waterproof. But I wanted to get another one because well, I just wanted one.

#6 Starbucks tumbler
I owned two Starbucks tumblers. But I have always fancy the clear plastic tumbler. Wanted to get one then but of course, there were some people in my life then who disagreed with my impulsive decision. It is not so impulsive right.. because I still think about getting one until today.

#7 Balloons
I am fascinated by helium balloons. I personally like colorful stuffs and balloons are often associated with happiness. So, give me some balloons already !

#8 Coffee machine
I develop some fondness towards coffee recently. And I think it's too expensive to buy a cup on a daily basis. I am rather conscious about my spending recently. So, I told myself that I must get one machine. Soon.

#9 Watch
I like wearing watch to work. And well, everywhere I go. I felt smarter somehow. But I am always wearing the same watch. Perhaps, I needed a change.

#10 iPad mini
I have been contemplating to get one since like forever. But I didn't get one. It wasn't friendly to my pocket so I just try to ignore this want because it is so bloody expensive.

#11 Kindle
I love reading. I cannot describe how much I love reading. People who knew me knows I love reading. I can just sit down in one corner the whole day and read. Kindle seems like a fit for someone who likes to read, right?

#12 Weekend getaway
I am always stressed out. So a weekend getaway will be fitting for someone like me. I was thinking of Bangkok. I love food. I love shopping. But of course, I wouldn't mind somewhere nearby too. I just need to get away from the city..well.. KL city.

#13 Manicure and pedicure
I have not tried mani and pedi before. This birthday, I wanna try something new. And getting pretty nails seems like a brilliant idea.

#14 Books
Need I say more? Sidney Sheldon's books please?

#15 Polka dots tea set/Clear glass tea set
The auntie in me has taken a liking towards teapot and tea cups. I saw one turquoise polka dot tea set in Typo weeks ago and I fell in love with it. I wanted to get it but nahhh.. I can't. I like a clear glass tea set too because it sounded really fancy when I sip tea from it.

#16 Dining in Muugu Restaurant
Read about this restaurant in EatDrinkKL and I fell in love with it. I love the food and the ambience.. well.. based on the blog. I would love to try.

#17 Dining in Mitasu
I love Japanese food. It's ala carte Japanese buffet. I don't think I need to elaborate more.

#18 Spa experience
I have never been to spa. Apparently I am too tensed up and there is aplenty of knots under my skin. So, people have been suggesting to me to go for massage. Guess I should try now?

#19 Day trip to Aquaria or Bukit Tinggi
I love the underwater. And I love the cold air. 'Nuff said?

#20 Birthday cake
I haven't had a birthday cake for years, I think. A girlfriend promised to bake me a strawberry cheesecake. I guess this wishlist is coming true.

#21 Latte art/coffee tasting classes
Because I love coffee. And I think it's hipster for me to do so. Why not?

#22 Shopping trip
Bring me to my favorite retail to shop and I will love you forever. I need new clothes for work. So yea.. please bring me.

#23 Beanie bag
I want to laze around the whole day on something comfy. A beanie bag seems like a good idea.

#24 Semi pro camera
I used to enjoy taking photographs a lot. But it was only point and shoot camera. I liked the Lumix G10 then. I felt like taking photos with phone seems meh. And there isn't much space on my phone as compared to the SD card intact to a camera. So go figure.

#25 Powerbank
Because I own none. And this is essential.

#26 John Legend concert
John Legend is coming down to KL on Sept 23. I love him. I never been to concert. So, I wanna go !!

#27 Birthday hugs
Shower me with lots of hugs because it's my birthday.

That's my wishlist. 27 gifts for a 27 years old.