Sunday, February 2, 2014


It's Chinese New Year and I honestly thought I'll enjoy myself with the feast and the reunions with people I rarely see. I thought I'll have aplenty of genuine smile plastered on my face but I just couldn't. All I could do was to mask the pain with smiles I am unsure of.

I blamed it on myself for not carrying my responsibilities well enough. I blamed myself for constantly not trying hard enough to control my temper. I blamed myself for not being wherever I should be. It is all my fault. The pain .. Emotional pain hurts a lot. Streams of tears rolling down my cheeks is the expression of emotional pain I bear for too long. I didn't know what I should do to help. 

Above all, frustration had to mix into the batter of pain. I ponder on how bleak the future might turn out to be; a future I assumed for the longest time seems like a fantasy that will never become a reality. 

I pray hard to Him; hoping He could give me an answer.. a certainty to make the right decision for this challenge. I really hope things will take a great turn .. I really hope so.

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